Von Welshing, in his ignorance, continued to try and visualize benefits in this sorry state of affairs; unlikely, nay, preposterous benefits; benefits of which he was in no way deserving.

He spat out an incisor and part of a bicuspid, and thought to himself, as he was passing out, that the Tooth Fairy would be extremely pleased with such an offering. He tucked the teeth safely away in his vest pocket as he went belly up, and then drifted away. In Dreamland, he was, at last, safely beyond the reach of the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune", and the fortunate outrages of erroneous slings, as well.

As he drifted in and out of darkness, he placed the teeth gently under his throbbing head, and phased out, his head addled by visions of the Tooth Fairy, scantily clad, and bearing a rather considerable resemblance to "Wheel of Fortune's" Vanna White. It must, in all fairness, be said that his head was not exactly a mighty engine of logic, to begin with.

Vanna, attired in a costume that Frederick's of Hollywood would have been embarassed to display, was crooning Von Welshing's name. "Ooooh, Von Welshing. Yesss, yesss, yesss. Once again, I seem to have been left to my own devices." She was caressing what appeared to be a large, latex covered fungo bat, liberally sprinkled with warts and bristles, and sporting a twin cylinder model airplane engine near the base.

Mounting a podium, she rapped the bat sharply against a music stand. She gestured like some sort of demented conductor, as the engine roared to life and speakers began blaring excerpts from Marvin Gaye's famous "Sexual Healing" album.

"Von Welshing" she cooed. "Von Welshing, let's have a look at those teeth. Are they all yours?" He tried, in vain, to shake loose the cobwebs from his fuzzy head. Why were Vanna's eyes slanted? What was that crazy laughter? Where had he gone wrong?

Vanna loomed closer. She seemed to take on a larger and more sinister appearance. "Who are you calling a fairy, honkie asshole? Long again. Long again." She snatched the teeth out from under Von Welshing's pillow, regarded them with some disfavor, and tossed them out of the window.

She reached up alongside of her left ear, where she located what appeared to be a large brass zipper. Catching Von Welshing's eye with a fine, plastic "Wheel of Fortune" smile and a small but graceful gesture, she proceeded to unzip her face.

Taking a firm grip on her bleached topknot, she gave a sharp tug and removed her entire face. Stepping down from the podium was none other than Ted Williams, with an eyeless, rubber Vanna mask dangling from the fingers of one hand.