When the smoke cleared away, in its place stood an incredibly large Arabic warrior, clad in baggy silk pants, sleeveless vest of leather, and a fez. His bloodshot eyes gave the appearance of discs spiraling down and in, seeming to give the impression of falling through a tunnel.

His huge feet were shod in shiny red slippers, tiny golden bells jingling on their long, upturned toes. He eyed Von Welshing with a most unsettling leer, and brandished an immense, flaming scimitar to the skies.

"FREE! I'M FREE!" The burly, outlandish giant roared with laughter. "For your services, pissant mortal, I shall grant you two wishes." Von Welshing, a puzzled look on his face, asked: "Isn't that supposed to be THREE wishes?" The Djinn responded: "Some people would bitch if you hung them with a new rope. But briefly, infidel pigfucker. Only briefly. Two wishes."

Professor Von Welshing looked sullenly up at his huge companion, pouting mightily. "O.K. In that case, for my first wish, I want 50 more wishes." The greedy, lustful, and, it must be said, rather stupid Professor smirked nastily at the spirit. The Djinn leered down at the Professor. "Oh, I should have known a brilliant fellow like you would be able to easily outsmart me. Oh, great beautiful one, oh bright star of the Eastern sky, I am your most humble and obedient servant." He whirled around and bashed Von Welshing across the chops with the back of his large, bejeweled hand.

"Would you like your second wish now, Professor?" Von Welshing bared his teeth and spat: "You bet your sweet ass I would. If I can't have all the wishes I want, then I want to fuck. Quit your grinnin' and drop your linen." He chuckled and began removing his trousers, whistling "I Dream of Genie with the Light Brown Hair."

The Djinn snarled. "No way are you going to fuck me, you ignorant little twit. How about a little head?" He made a mystical gesture, and Von Welshing's head shrunk to the size of a ping pong ball. "Come with me!" Von Welshing cringed as the dawning of understanding wiped the offensive smirk off of his tiny, round, glossy face. The Djinn snatched him up and rocketed off into the sky, where they vanished in a shower of sparks and a puff of bluish smoke.

The cloud of smoke gradually formed itself into a duck, with a huge wood screw through its chest. The duck quacked mournfully and flapped slowly off beyond the threshhold of visibility, which in this area was roughly 200 meters. Riding upon the back of the unfortunate duck was an Arab of monstrous size, bellowing with laughter.